i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found puke in my bra..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You dont lie about slip and slides
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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