The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
