I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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