need another drink. this is the easiest way
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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