You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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