I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
