my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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