In the future we'll all be gay
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
