Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
