if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Found your dick twin last night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
