you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
