Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
