you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
