only you would photoshop your dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
