I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
