I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?