thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.