I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad