Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??