just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.