oh good, I think they're gone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction