3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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