Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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