I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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