Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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