u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thus making me awesome and them whores
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
