that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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