So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
