We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize