Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
false alarm. still invincible.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She bit a glass in half.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
