this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
