I want to have your abortion
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
