it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
