By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
