Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
