when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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