There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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