Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
