this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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