It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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