hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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