dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
