You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
