Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
