I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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