So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you had me at cake vodka
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
