i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
