My cat gives me a boner
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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