5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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