Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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