It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
