The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
