I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
