So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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