sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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