My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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