matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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