she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
