I want you more than these girls want KFC
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize