At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize