I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
