yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
