just tell him i said nine months
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
