we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
pray to the hookup gods
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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