So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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